Bachelor Party (1984) (Bachelor.Party.1984.DVDRip.AC3.XviD-OS.iLUMiNADOS.CD1.en.sub)

Step away from the curb, children.
Hi, Sister! You look terrific today!
- What have you done with your hair?
- You're late again, Rick.
- I know. But I have a very good excuse.
- There can be no excuse for tardiness.
You're right. You're absolutely right.
I should never have stopped and saved that drowning infant.
I'm weak, Sister! I'm just so weak!
All right, now. Stop that.
Children, on the bus.
Sister, if you ever get lonely after vespers, I'm the man to call.
My number's in the book.
Get going, Rick. You're late enough as it is.
Think about it, OK?
OK, come along, children!
Attention, passengers.
We are now leaving Nun Central on our journey to hell and beyond.
The captain has turned off the No Smoking sign.
You may now move about the cabin freely.
Thank you for being Catholic, and for choosing the St Gabriel school bus.
Now don't forget, Garcia. Ten percent of that goes to the house.
Ahh, youth!
You'll love these shots. Thank you very much, Mrs Reeves. Have a nice day.
Next!
Ho-ho-ho! Look at those babies!
Adorable. Come on, let's get started. Are we married?
- I'm separated.
- Then there is a God.
Let's try something a little special. Try these on, Timmy.
Ooh, yeah. Chic in the sun, yeah.
Take that drink right there.
Yeah, that looks like fun, hm?
To me, this is an incredible shot.
OK, I can see you're not impressed. And you're right. I hate it too.
Your kid is more hip, more now, more '80s.
Let's try this right here. Now get ready.
Hold on. I'm crazy about this one. Your own baby Jedi.
This is terrific. You're gonna like this. Huh? Huh? Huh?
All right, you're not into science fiction. OK.
Oh! Mrs Klupner, why didn't I see this before?
Why don't you lean into the picture with your child?
Oh, yes, yes.
Yes, yes, yes.
Lean in a little more.
If I was that kid, I would breast-feed until I was 17 or 18.
OK. Now hold that pose, Mrs Klupner.
Timmy, why don't you go to sleep? There we go. Good boy. There we go.
Raul!
Who the hell put this shit in my beer cooler?!
Jesus Christ!
Stupid people!
I gotta change the oil.
Hey!
Rudy! Here, boy! Hey, Rudy!
Oh, shit! I don't believe this!
Guys, this is the problem with American cars!
Help me put this crap together and we'll get outta here.
The Police concert's sold out? My customers are gonna kill me!
Screw that!
Screw Sting!
- Hi, guys. How's it goin'?
- How are you, you animal?
Great. I'm a dead man.
Hello. Concert Tickets.
What?
You're kiddin'! Boy George has a yeast infection?!
He's canceling?! You know what this is gonna cost me?!
Hey, do me a favor. Don't call me again, OK?
Let's get outta here.
I told you not to call me again! You're full of shit! Eat my...
Oh, hi, Mom. No, no, no. I didn't know it was you.
Right. Eggs and milk.
Ma... Ma, I'll talk to you later.
- This better be important.
- This guy gets along with everybody.
Oh, yeah. A real diplomat.
Eat me.
I love it when he talks like that!
- We'd like to order now.
- Hey, no sweat. No sweat, guys.
You wanna order?
Here's today's deals. OK?
OK, we got veal.
We got veal... Par...
Veal... Par...
What's this word?
Parmesan.
That's that meat with that cheese on it. See, I don't eat cheese.
Gives me mucus. Clogs me up with phlegm.
And butter, that's another thing. Clogs you up with snot.
Please, we're in a hurry.
Ryko, come on, take a break!
Hey, be right there, guys.
Hey, keep your slimy paws out of my food, man. Order your own food.
I hope you choke, you animal.
Hey!
Get outta here.
All right, OK, now we're all here. So what's the big announcement?
Gentlemen, I'm not gonna beat around the bush on this thing.
We've known each other since grade school,
so I'm gonna give this to ya right from the hip.
I mean, it's gonna come straight from the old shoulder.
I mean, no fancy stuff or anything...
Come on, Rick!
All right. OK. All right, all right, all right. This is it.
- I'm gettin' married.
- Yeah, right, yeah.
That was not a joke, guys!
A week from this Saturday, I turn in my amateur standing and I... I go pro.
- I don't believe it.
- Come on!
Fuck me!
Well, thanks for tellin' us, man.
Guys!
Guys!
Guys!
Our buddy is gettin' married.
This is the happiest moment of his life and you guys are giving him a hard time.
You guys should be ashamed of yourselves. Congratulations, buddy.
Come on, guys!
Look, Rick, I'd rather be dead. But if this is what you want, good luck, man.
All the best. It should happen to me, man.
Since you're gonna do this...
- You really are gonna do this?
- Yeah.
At least we can make sure you go out in style.
Let's have a bachelor party, with chicks and guns and fire trucks
and hookers and drugs and booze...
Yeah, yeah, yeah! All the things that make life worth living for!
Speech! Speech!
All right, all right.
I want you to know that this marriage
is not in any way gonna jeopardize my relationship with my pals, damn it.
We're still gonna go bowling every Tuesday night.
Still gonna play cards every Friday night.
And wear each other's underwear every Sunday. Nothing is gonna change!
I love you guys and I always will.
- Hey, a toast!
- To Rick and Debbie.
To us.
To girls with big tits.
Good point! Good point! Good point.
- Excuse me...
- What?
- I'd like to pay for this.
- Could you wait till the song is over?
Oh, sure. No problem.
Excuse me.
- Where can I try on these pants?
- Right over there. Can I take these for you?
You'll really like these. I have a couple of pairs myself. They fit very nice.
Phoebe?
I don't think your brother did such a good job of fixing the dressing-room doors.
Whaddaya mean? They look great!
- You don't see a problem here?
- Not really.
No? Maybe it's just me.
Debbie, I don't believe you!
I am your friend and you don't even tell me!
Bobbi, what is going on?
I just heard from O'Neill. Oh, God, I'm so excited!
- What's happening?
- Debbie's marrying Rick!
- Really?
- Really.
Oh, my gosh!
Oh, my gosh! You're actually marrying Rick!
- Wait a minute. Does Cole know about this?
- You went with him for two years!
No. And he won't leave me alone.
And your parents can't be too thrilled about this.
No, as far as they're concerned, the only good Rick is a dead Rick.
But I've made my decision, and we're gonna do it.
I don't believe it! Mrs Rick Gassko!
You're getting married...
Seems like only yesterday I showed ya how to give a blow job.
I'll give you a different kind of high
No, I'm not like the rest of the boys
I'm from Decatur, Illinois
And I am suave, debonair
I got this boss, curly dark black hair
And I like how you run... baby!
Because you never say maybe
I like you...
Oh, shit!
Well, hey, the meal is just about ready, so it's time for spice...
Yes, it's spice time, and the lucky spice is...
Paprika!
Thank you, thank you, thank you! You've made me the happiest spice in the world!
It's a veritable UN for dinner here, so Swedish meatballs!
Ah! Vino!
A little vino... would be keeno!
I want some wine!
Now...
What meal would be complete without a little dead meat?
Yes, America's favorite food: Dead animal flesh.
All the burners are occupied at this time, so I'm just gonna have to improvise here.
- Hi, babe!
- Hi!
- What are you doing?
- Just welding up a little dinner, that's all.
It's you!
- It's good to see you.
- You too.
- God, you're a slob!
- Yeah, but I'm a fabulous cook.
Yeah? And what are we having?
Well, it's either Swiss steak, meat loaf... I dunno. Charred flesh of some sort.
- Why don't we name it after we eat?
- Good idea.
Mr Chef? Your vegetables are on fire.
Oh! Hey! It's OK. It's all right. It's broccoli flambй. It's supposed to do that.
Just a little tricky, that's all. Guess I put in a little too much nuclear waste, huh?
- Wanna hear something great?
- You betcha.
Bobbi and Phoebe are gonna throw me a shower. It's gonna be so much fun!
Not as much fun as the bachelor party the guys are gonna throw for me.
I hope you like potato salad. It's chunky style, my favorite.
- You're gonna have a bachelor party?
- Sure! You bet!
Hey, it's a traditional event, and I am a traditional kinda guy.
How about this? Does this look great or what?
- It looks awful.
- Well, looks can be deceiving.
Not in this case, however.
Nope, this is definitely the food that prison riots are made of.
Are we gonna have girls at our party?
Well...
No, it's a stag party, and that means that does stay home.
I'm not talking about does. I'm talking about hookers.
Ohhh! Those!
What do you mean?
I mean, like, from what I hear, it's a tradition. And you're a traditional guy.
Come here, you little vixen. I'm gonna set you straight about something.
Women mean nothing to me, and that is why I am so in love with you.
Do you understand what I'm saying?
I need you to promise me.
OK. OK. I promise. You got it.
You know, I... I know a way that we can seal this bargain.
- Yeah?
- Mm-hm.
Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait!
I got a surprise for ya! And I think you're really gonna like it!
Aw, come on, honey! We'll take turns!
OK, Ricky. Wanna hold out your arm?
You wouldn't hurt your own brother, would you?
Hey! I've changed my mind! I don't need a blood test. I'm not even gonna get married.
- The wedding is off, chief.
- Bear. Chicken, chicken, chicken!
You were always sneaky, Stan. You were always very, very sneaky.
Hey, you ready for this big party?
I understand that the guys have some fascinating women lined up for you.
A bevy of...
Keep your voice down. I've got the wife in the other room.
Uh, Stan...
Stan, is this supposed to be like this?
No, that's incorrect.
Oh.
I can't understand you getting married.
Do you have any idea what you're giving up? Any idea? An inkling?
Everything! Wild parties. Running around like a maniac.
Women every night. Nakedness. Gone!
I miss that so much, Ricky.
Stan, you're beginning to depress me.
Oh, well, maybe you'll feel just a little better after this.
Easy. Easy. And hold.
Oh, that's a fair trade. A cotton ball for all my blood.
OK, Ricky, all finished.
Hey, I'm really looking forward to this bachelor party.
Whatever you do, you don't say nothin' to Tina, OK? She'll kill me.
- Who don't you say nothin' to?
- Tina?
Tina. OK.
Don't screw me up. I told her I'm going to a plasma convention.
Oh, well, that's brilliant.
Hi, Tina!
Rick! Mr Goldsmith, this is my brother-in-law. He's getting married.
Congratulations.
Nurse, take over.
I am so happy for you!
That's great. I'm glad. Thanks.
Listen, I gotta run. I gotta make sure the guys have got the hookers!
- Hookers?
- He didn't say hookers.
- Did I say hookers? I didn't mean...
- You said hookers.
He didn't say hookers. I'm walking Ricky out.
You had to open your mouth. You had to say something. You had to say hookers!
- Doc, I'll pay my bill! Don't hurt me, please!
- I'll kill you!
I'll pull out your lights! I'll rip out your guts!
I'll break you in half! Now shut up and get outta here!
OK. All right.
Oh, listen. I'll see ya Saturday for the...?
Out!
Mrs Phillips. You're next.
- OK, who serves?
- Your turn, Dad.
It's long, it's to the fence, it's to the wall! It's gone!
- Rick!
- Yep.
Hit the ball easier, son. You don't have to kill it.
Uh... maybe we should go in now.
No. We will at least finish this set.
- Ready?
- Yo!
Yes! Cleveland wins the pennant!
One of these days, I'm gonna burn the Thompson court right to the ground.
I gotta admit my tennis is a little rusty, but polo... There's a game, eh?
Unrelenting, constant challenge to the senses.
A beautiful, manly experience.
Rick, I want to cut through the BS.
- I'd like that.
- Good.
I think you're an asshole.
No, let me correct that. An immature asshole.
Which is fine, except that you're marrying my daughter
and I'm afraid that my grandchildren are gonna be little assholes.
- Mr Thompson, I...
- No, let me finish.
Debbie is an adult. She can do what she wants.
But if you want your marriage to last, you have to change some things about yourself.
- Now, if I may make some suggestions?
- Oh, feel free.
Good. First, you're a slob.
You dress like a bum.
Second, you're unmotivated.
You have no self-esteem, no thought about the future.
You're inconsiderate. You're insensitive. You're insincere.
I'm having the same caterer for your shower that we had at our Christmas party last year.
That'd be great! They're wonderful!
If I were you, I'd worry less about the shower and more about Rick's bachelor party.
Why...? Why would I want to do that? I trust Rick.
Oh, of course you do. And I trusted my ex, Kevin, too.
Cousin, I can only speak to you from experience.
But what do you think happens at bachelor parties?
Think they drink tea and play Scrabble?
Ilene, I trust Rick. He promised...
Debbie, please! Don't be naive. Men are pigs.
Girls, why don't we go inside and have some lunch?
Boys! Come on inside and have lunch!
In a second.
And you're irresponsible. A show-off.
You're vulgar. You're inappropriate.
You're unrefined. You're obnoxious.
Well, Mr Thompson, that's really quite a list. And you're right. You're absolutely right.
And I think, if I really apply myself,
I could be a totally changed person by the time we finish lunch.
Rick, we don't have a dog.
Oh, too bad. That's a waste of some good fat. Are you going to eat your potato, darling?
- You want this?
- You betcha.
Yeah, me and Debbie are gonna have kids right away.
I'd like to adopt this 17-year-old Korean girl I've had my eye on.
I figure why beat around the bush, but, I mean, this pup is fertile,
and I know I'm perfectly capable, so you don't have to worry.
You'll have some American grandkids in no time at all.
I tell ya, Mrs T, this is really some spread. This is pretty good chow.
Usually I just have a jam sandwich for lunch.
Do you know what a jam sandwich is? You take two pieces of bread, jam 'em together...
- Hello, everybody! Am I late?
- Not at all. We're just finishing lunch.
- How are you, Cole?
- Fine, just fine.
Ilene! You're looking very well.
- Mrs Thompson...
- Cole...
Always a pleasure.
Debbie...
And, uh...
Bond. James Bond.
So, Cole, how's your game coming along?
- Better and better, sir.
- Good.
I'll take you on.
We tried some doubles this morning but it didn't work out.
Mother, what is Cole doing here?
Well, you know your father enjoys his company.
Oh, he must, if he took time off from his Hitler Youth rally.
- Good shot!
- Thank you, sir.
Cole, I know you're as unhappy as I am about Debbie's marriage to Rick.
Yes, I am, sir.
- Son, I don't want you to give up on her.
- I have tried to change her mind.
It's not her mind you have to change. It's Mr Shit For Brains in there.
- Yeah, but how can I do that?
- If it were up to me, I'd reason with him first.
And if that failed, I'd try more persuasive action.
More... persuasive action?
Good... Keep me informed.
Goodbye, darling.
Goodbye, Mom. Thanks for everything. It was great.
- Nice seeing you again, Rick.
- You too, Mrs T. Let's do this every day.
- How about tomorrow? I'll bring weenies.
- Well, I have, uh... club.
- What time's it over?
- Uh, Rick. Let's talk.
Honey, the boys have something to discuss.
Let's leave 'em alone for a minute, huh?
If this is about the facts of life, I got it covered.
- Rick, I want Debbie.
- You do, huh?
Yes, I do. You dump her and I'll give you cash.
Well, what's Debbie's Blue Book value right now?
- $5,000.
- No.
- 7500?
- Not interested.
All right, all right, all right.
10,000 plus a GE toaster oven,
a Litton microwave, a Cuisinart...
Cole, read my lips now.
I am marrying Debbie.
Michelin tyres, brand-new.
A set of Sears' best metric tools.
What's going on?
This big lug is in love and he's got a lot of major appliances laying around.
Debbie, Cole is just trying to save you from making a mistake. A big mistake.
Oh, Daddy...
Hey, thanks, Dad. Listen, we gotta go.
Debbie! He's gonna hurt you.
He'll never be true to you the way I would.
We'll keep that in mind. Cole Whittier, ladies and gentlemen!
A funny, funny guy as well as being a wonderfully talented human being.
Take care, babe. We love ya.
Hey, Rick! You and I, we're not through yet.
Hey...
Hey...
What?
I can't sleep.
I got something for that.
Will you stop fooling around? I need to talk.
What's the matter?
I don't know. I just feel scared.
Oh, baby... What about?
Hmm?
The wedding. My parents.
Your parents. Our friends.
My job.
The future.
Our relationship.
The caterers. My gown.
Your tuxedo.
The honeymoon. Our apartment.
My shower.
Your bachelor party.
Well, how about the Middle East? You all right with that?
Honey, everything is gonna be all right.
Before or after I have my nervous breakdown?
You are so tense.
Come on.
That feels so good.
That's a coincidence. It's supposed to.
Close your eyes. Drift off to sleep again, OK?
It just so happens... I'm a great guy
and, very soon, you're gonna be Mrs Great Guy, all right?
Well, there you go, ma'am. End of the line. Last stop.
I have a great idea. Why don't I just pal around with you guys for a while?
No, no, no. We have some manly things we have to do, and this is no place for a woman.
- Are you sure you don't want me to go?
- How about "no"?
I don't wanna go!
Remember, you promised me no screwing around.
- I won't! I swear on my mother's grave.
- Your mother's not dead.
Well, if I go back on my word, I'll kill her.
Have a good time.
Don't have a great time. You catch my drift, Mr Traditional Guy?
Hmm, yeah, I understand.
And you have a fun shower. Use soap.
I love you.
And I love you.
Come on, Rick! Party!
Presidents have stayed in this suite. It's gorgeous!
What presidents?
- What's wrong?
- Nothing. Nothing. Let's get crazy.
Yeah!
- When do the girls show up?
- Gary is taking care of that right now.
All right. I think I've got just what you're looking for.
Great.
Margot! Darleen!
These are twins of pleasure.
Wow! Twins!
Great!
They're gonna be just fine. Just fine.
Hi, ladies.
Maybe after the orgy tonight we can get together, have a cup of coffee or somethin'?
Thanks, man. We'll see you girls later. Ciao!
Hi!
Hi.
Say, I must have just missed my friend.
He hired some of your girls for a bachelor party?
Yeah, Parkview Hotel, room 1002. What about it?
Yeah, right, well, um... here's the new address.
There's been a change of plan. We're sending the girls to his house instead.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah, and, uh... here's a fifty.
Now I want this to be a surprise for the groom, so you never saw me, OK?
No problem.
Move it out, move it out, move it out!
You be careful with that bus. It's a rental.
Was I kidding? Was I kidding?
We who are about to go apeshit salute you!
We want women!
Hold it! Hold it!
Before we move on, I have a little surprise.
I have flown in someone dear to all of us.
A man who has traveled over 3,000 miles.
Come on, Rick, let's go.
A man whom none of us have seen since he left town.
Come on, come on!
A man whom we affectionately call Peckerhead!
Oh, my God, our dad is here.
It's your childhood chum and mine, Brad Mollen!
Brad!
That Peckerhead! Where is he?
Guys!
Guys!
Guys! Guys!
For the last time, I'm telling you to get off of there!
Off! Off!
OK!
Guys!
Holy shit!
Dr Stan!
Hi, Brad.
Rick! Oh, Rick! Rick!
Jay!
Rudy!
Diagnosis?
- Medically speaking?
- Yeah.
Whacked out of his brains on drugs.
I love you guys! This is great! This is beautiful!
I love it! I love it!
How you been?
Oh, I couldn't be better. This is the best. This is great. I love this. This is the best.
I'm having the best time. I love you guys! I love everybody!
- How's your wife?
- I hate her. I hate her guts.
The bitch!
I've got this. You wanna share this?
Oh, gee, two on a Quaalude. That's bad luck.
OK, let's go, guys. Come on, Brad.
Listen, you and your wife got problems, Brad?
No. No. Cos I love you guys. I love my friends. I love everybody!
I just wanna party!
Party!
- Just where do you guys think you are?
- The Library of Congress?
- Detroit?
- Beyond the sun?
Any of those right?
This is the Parkview Hotel. I am the hotel manager.
This is a respectable establishment. We don't go for any funny business here.
So I see. Well, thank you. It's been very nice talking to you.
You're a hell of a guy, and you're doing a hell of a job.
Pamela, you're here! How nice! Come say hello to our guest of honor.
Pamela! Hi, how are you! Good to see you!
- You look great.
- Oh, thanks, honey.
Debbie, it's Pamela.
Pamela, how are you?
Come sit down and I'll get you some punch.
Mrs Thompson, do you have any more of this dip? It's, like, really excellent.
You just ate Purina Cat Chow.
Oh, it's, like, so good!
And what are you girls giggling about?
- Shall we tell her?
- Yeah.
Yesterday we found a bunch of pornos in the back seat of O'Neill's car.
And we made a few changes. I think the boys will really be interested.
Oh, well, good. I hope you ruin their stag party, the swine!
1003... Aha!
1002.
And now, to our honored guest Rick and his lifelong friends, I say, gentlemen:
Start your boners.
Women!
Yeah! This is a bitchin' place!
Oh... I am stunned.
I did the balloons myself.
Oh, what a clever use of prophylactics. This is beyond my wildest dreams, guys!
- Where's the women? There's no women.
- Rudy, one thing at a time.
Sex is my one thing. I'm good at it.
OK. What's first?
A bit of a warm-up. We spend an hour with Nymphos Without Pants.
Olivier is in that, right?
Then... it's on to the real thing!
OK, Rudy. Screen.
It's good to see you, Brad.
My marriage sucks. It's all crap. It's just a big pile of shit!
Well, maybe your marriage oughta lay off the grains for a while.
Don't you understand? She hates me. She hates my guts. It's over!
You'll see. As soon as you get married, everything changes.
Why are you going through with this?
Wait, wait. What do you mean? What changes?
OK, Ryko, lights!
Lights!
I viewed it yesterday. Great director, good lighting...
Take that off! Take it off and drive it home!
God, this doesn't waste any time, does it?
Go, baby! Do it, brother! Lay that pipe! Drive it home, brother!
Hey! What gives?
- Did you check this out?
- Kick it! Kick it!
Forget that. This part's so much better.
You guys can't believe... This is a human being doing this. Watch this.
Kiss him all the way down! All the way down!
Go! Go! Go, go, go, go!
What is this?! What is going on?!
I am not complaining, but I usually don't like my filth this clean.
What a waste of two women!
I don't get it. The dirty parts were there yesterday.
At least Gary's coming up with the real thing.
Oh, yeah.
Women!
Yes?
Yeah, hi. Is this 1381 Franek Street?
Yes.
We're here.
How nice.
Um... I'm Dr Tina Gassko.
Oh, Tina! Stan's wife!
Come in!
God, now she's really gonna see what kind of a jerk-off she's marryin'.
Rick is just gonna love all of these.
Debbie, look, it's Tina.
I think everyone's here now.
Look who's here. It's Tina.
Another one of these, huh?
Looks that way.
A buck's a buck.
Yep.
Ohh!
Is there an empty outlet around here?
Thanks.
God, this is beautiful.
She reminds me of my wife. She was so young when we met.
Bitch!
Hi, guys, how's it goin'?
Get him! Get him, get him, get him!
Everybody back! To a neutral corner, please.
- What's goin' on?
- Nothing's goin' on!
Would you get that animal off of me?
This place should be wall-to-wall tits by now.
Guy paints a beautiful picture.
All right! All right! I'll find out what's goin' on.
Looks like the only guy who got screwed was you.
Hey, screw you.
Should! Should!
Should!
I can't believe my money's been wasted.
So, what do you guys think of the party so far?
All right. OK.
I think the man has done a very good job with the party so far.
All right, maybe not.
Rick, I wanna talk to you.
Hey, it's Cole!
Did anyone order an asshole from room service?
- Look, I don't want any trouble.
- Oh, come on, just a little.
- Rick, I want to make you another deal.
- Oh, be still, my heart!
Out the window is something I wanna show you.
Out the window? Oh, this is gonna be a surprise. I'm a nut for surprises.
You see that out there?
That, Rick, is my most prized possession.
That's my new Porsche.
Wow!
Guys, can you see that car?
Oh, that's beautiful! What a car!
Rudy, isn't that a beautiful car?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah! That's a beautiful car, Rick.
Hey, guys, excuse me. I gotta go shake the weasel.
- It's a great car.
- Oh, the best!
- God, I love that car.
- I am very, very happy... for the two of you.
Chips?
Listen, Rick, I'm willing to trade you my new Porsche for Debbie. An even swap.
Oh, Cole! A car for Debbie?
I mean it, Rick. All you have to do is dump Debbie.
Oh! Oh, Cole! This is perplexing. What an intriguing offer you've made.
Guys, what should I do? Should I take the car, or should I take Debbie?
- Debbie.
- The car.
Depends on mileage.
- The Porsche! The car!
- Take Debbie... The car!
- Debbie! Debbie!
- The car!
What a decision I have to make here.
I would hate to be in your shoes, pal.
- Low mileage. It handles like a dream.
- Well, so does Debbie.
I just got that car two months ago. It's got everything, it's got...
Shit.
Shit! Shit! Shit!
- Something amiss?
- My car is gone!
Maybe it had something to do.
You know...
If I don't get my car back, you're dead, mister!
Gone just a few seconds and I miss him already.
Isn't it childish getting revenge on the guys like this?
You heard what those hookers said. They were supposed to go to a bachelor party.
That doesn't mean it was Rick's party.
Good evening, ladies. Follow me.
Go on. Just don't touch anything.
God, look at those guys! What a hunk!
Look at that guy's buns!
Come on, Mom.
Debbie, I don't know about this.
Mom, come on, we'll have a great time. You might even get lucky.
Debbie!
Is there a Rick Gassko registered there?
Hold it! It's not Gary. It's Michael.
I don't believe it!
I may as well have left my genitals at home!
Michael, when are you comin' over?
Right after work.
Guess what, buddy? Debbie and her friends just walked in here.
No kidding! Well, that's interesting.
Michael, hang around down there for a while. We're gonna come down.
Yeah. Bye.
Guys, we are going out for some air.
Some air?
- Where are we going?
- Out.
I love going out.
Rick, I don't think I wanna go.
Come on, Brad, it'll be good for ya.
No... I just wanna be alone.
Well... all right, but do your homework, and you can watch TV for a half-hour,
but then straight to bed, young man.
OK.
Come on, just stay with me, guys. When a night gets dull, call in a pro.
Al, how are you?
Ed, we're so glad you could come at the last minute
and fill in as our keynote speaker.
It's a pleasure, Al. I'm always glad to help out.
I should call my service. Is there a phone I can use?
- Yeah, right there.
- Thank you.
Ed, this is the biggest turnout we've ever had. Hey, this is our mascot.
Hiya, fellas!
We've had some big speakers, but no one with your marketing experience.
I just wanna let 'em know where I am. I'm expecting an important phone call.
I had to get out of the house anyway. My daughter's having a bridal shower.
I'm a doctor! I can't do this!
- Will your friend do this?
- He'll do anything for money.
I love that attitude!
- Are they still out there?
- I'll check. Wait.
I don't believe this!
What does she think she's doing?
Maybe checking him for a hernia.
Oh, it's amusing?
- It's amusing.
- What now?
It's action they want? Well, we're the guys to give it to 'em.
Eh, me hearties?
Guys, this is Chippendales' star attraction.
Mr Nicholas, better known as Nick the Dick.
Nick the what?
The Dick.
Oh-ho! Wow!
I was impressed when they opened the World Trade Center,
but this is a piece of work!
Well, let's get this thing going. Tray, please, Michael.

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